Finding Jesus in the Tension of Chronic Illness
My heart was so broken, I thought it had finally received all the heartache it could take… but just as I thought my heart couldn’t take any more, another heartbreak came! But this time… it broke me! Many say: “what doesn’t break us, makes us stronger” but I disagree - I think “what breaks us makes us stronger”! It’s often not until our hearts are broken that the Lord can make us whole again… It’s at this point that we come to the end of ourselves and the beginning of Him.
Sometimes in life, trials can become so severe that they wear us down to breaking point. After many years of hard seasons, illness and trial - I got beaten down and got up again until I received what I thought was the final blow… laying there on the ground feeling completely empty of all strength - I looked up to see Jesus’s face looking at me. Here I realised, I didn’t need to ‘fight’ anymore… I just needed to ‘be’ in His arms!
In a season where life had attempted to take everything from me - my health, my ability to work, my zeal and my dreams… I was left asking myself “what is left to me when all is stripped away?” What is Krystle, when she is not designing, creating or singing? I realised that the most precious gift of all - is who I am in Jesus. What matters most, is not whether I sing or create again but that I don’t miss another moment in His presence - that I don’t miss the opportunity to capture His beauty and be lost in His love! To ‘know’ Him and be ‘known’ by Him… this was the most important thing!
And ‘this’ was worth ‘stopping’ for! So in this season of complete brokenness, I realised more than ever that Jesus needed to be ‘My all or nothing’ and that I needed to lay all on the altar, so that in me, He could burn. So I laid myself down - my dreams and desires, my present and my future, my battle with chronic illness and decided that as I lay here and trust - He will complete His work in me!
This song is really a journey to the ‘deep’ in Him - a deep, raw and vulnerable place, at the depths of His heart, love and mysterious character… where it truly is just God and I. A place where I’m lost in the ocean of Him, where I drowning in the depths of His love! What a wonderful place to be!
"All or Nothing (Acoustic)" is available worldwide on all music platforms: